Have a Friend – Be a Friend
Our friends are often our closest or most intimate confidants—those people to whom we can entrust our deepest secrets. It is possible to be friends with your relatives by blood or marriage, though your closest friends may be outside your family circle.
One mark of mental health is to have at least one close or intimate friend—God was right when He said, it is not good for humans to be alone! Having such a friend could even save your life. In one study of persons who had been diagnosed with coronary artery disease, unmarried people who lacked a confidant were 50 percent less likely to survive during a five-year period than those with a confidant.
Of all the biblical examples of friendship, the story of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 19–20) is perhaps the most moving due to the interpersonal dynamics involved. David, the shepherd boy who had killed nine-foot-tall Goliath with his sling would play his harp (which was like a modern guitar) for King Saul, Jonathan’s father, to calm Saul when he was troubled. Over time, David and Jonathan became best friends. Jonathan bestowed on David very special gifts, and they kept each other’s secrets. But when Saul became bent on killing David, the two young friends parted in tears and with an oath that they would always be friends. Later, after the deaths of Saul and Jonathan, David (who had become king) took Jonathan’s lame son into the palace, as his own.
A genuine close or intimate friendship:
Friends are burden bearers, secret keepers, fun sharers, emotional supporters. Friends weep with you and rejoice with you. They are there during crisis or temptation. Friends counter isolation and loneliness. Like no other kind of relationships, friendships make life bearable and doable.
Having a friend keeps us sane, makes us laugh, and allows us to be who we really are. Someone we know has a sign he used to hang on his tent in the Rockies during elk season: “Here I am my real self.” He wanted his friends to know that whoever shared that camp with him could relax and be real, too.
To have friends, you must be a friend. True friendship involves reciprocity, give and take, without either party keeping score. True friendship involves transparency and vulnerability, which develop over time as trust is established. Most of the time most people hide behind masks out of fear of what others will think of them—except when they’re with a true friend.
Being transparent and vulnerable is scary and risky because it leaves us open to hurt, possible criticism, rejection, even betrayal since another human being knows our secrets. But in light of the physical, emotional, sociological, and spiritual benefits that come from having a friend and being a friend, the risk is worth taking.
For Christians, transparency with a trusting God is the foundation for interpersonal transparency. When we have learned to be open and trusting with God, whom we cannot see, it becomes easier to have these qualities in a relationship with a person we’ve come to know and trust.
Friendship is one of the best gifts God has given to us! Here are some further suggestions to help you maintain great relationships, and lead a happier, healthier life as a result: